does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
