awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
