Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
