Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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