Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
