Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
