It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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