I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
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