If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
