I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
