If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize