I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
