dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
