I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
