just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
