are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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