Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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