at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
