I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
