I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
