We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
it was like eating out sand paper
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
