So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize