There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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