I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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