He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
