I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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