Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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