And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
