Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
