We're facebook friends in real life
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
