I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
