Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize