I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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