I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
