Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
