I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
