dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
