I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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