I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize