You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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