Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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