fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
