That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
