So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
