Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
