if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
