woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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