well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
