Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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