I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize