I can text with my tongue
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
