we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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