I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
this just has baby written all over it
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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