I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
