Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
