oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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