And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
