In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
