is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
