sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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