every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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