i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Farmville is her only friend.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
