So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
