his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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