Plan B is the new Plan A
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
