His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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