Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
